By Jennie Montgomery


Ever have one of those moments when you wish the floor would just open up and swallow you whole? One of my many MEMs happened when my kids were at Stevens Creek Elementary School.

I had been notified about an early-morning school conference in the school library. Seems Zack was having some problems completing class assignments, including following directions. So, I checked in at the front office and signed the “visitors” list, filled out my hall pass, stuck it on my lapel and headed for the conference room. 

The team of teachers who met with me seemed to think it helped my son for directions, test questions and such to be read out loud. That way, he stayed focused. Of course, they wanted him to be able to follow written directions, too. 

The meeting was very positive. I openly expressed my concerns about Zack not following directions and what I’d observed at home. We made a goal…we talked about strategies…we agreed to meet again. 

As I was leaving the school I ran into a boy from the neighborhood. I stopped to say hello and he broadly grinned, “Hello, Mrs. Library!” 

“What are you talking about?” I asked him. 

“Your hall pass. It says your name is “LIBRARY.” 

That’s right. In all MY ability to follow directions, I plainly printed L-I-B-R-A-R-Y on the line labeled “Name.” 

Don’t you know those teachers just cracked up when I left the conference room? 

So…I have a child who can’t follow directions? It must be in the genes. 

These days, though, embarrassing moments can be completely out of our control. You see, my love-hate relationship with Autocorrect is epic. 

Sky Baby and I love the Sunday night TV show, Madame Secretary. The other week, I fired off a quick text to remind her that our show was coming on shortly.

A few minutes later she walked in the den and said I had scarred her for life. 

“Did you even look at your text before you hit send, Mom?”

I opened my phone and saw why she was horrified. This is the text I sent my daughter: “Join me for Mad Sex in the den at 9 p.m.”

Yep, I did that!

This article appears in the December – January 2017 issue of Augusta Family Magazine.
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